Coulter's Baseball Experience

Coulter decided that he had enough baseball for the year this past Saturday.  His team wasn't nice to him, he didn't get to play much and he was very disheartened.  After Bob went up to the field to let the coaches know Coulter was done I wrote to the head coach.

This is what I wish I could have said........

Ben,
I am writing to give feed back.  This is meant to be constructive and to let you know what Coulter's experience has been in baseball this year.

First off I want to say that I greatly appreciate your skills and dedication to the boys and your team. I am also grateful to Brock and Chris.  I know that it takes a great deal of dedication, time and patience. I agree that the kids need to be responsible for their gear, be on time (usually not Coulter's fault) and pay attention when they are at practice or a game.  They need to respect the fact that you are the coach and that you are giving them your time.   

Coulter has only been playing baseball for a year.  Last season was his first.  I realize that he doesn't have the skill set that some of the other boys do....yet.  I asked him a few weeks ago, "Coulter, is is hard not starting every time?"  God bless him, he said, "Well mom, there are too many guys and not everyone can play at the same time."  I was very proud of him for having such a positive attitude.  My heart broke a little bit for him each time he was on the bench.  Game after game Coulter was on the bench and batted 12th out of 12.  Again, I realize he isn't the best player but I thought this league was for learning.  It is very unfortunate that a 9 year old boy's baseball career could be over because he didn't get a chance to play.

9 year olds are still learning their basic skills in many things including baseball.   This isn't a Blue Thunder issue, I see this issue as it runs through the entire system.  When I was a kid no one really played organized sports until 6th grade.  I know that was a very long time ago but by the age of 12 one has better basic skills and controll of their limbs.  I know this doesn't help but what I am getting at is, most of them (the boys) are just learning how to controll their bodies.  Throwing, catching and hitting are fairly complicated endeavors.  I believe Coulter will figure it out and be a good athlete but he's just not there yet.  I was disappointed to hear that one of the coaches said, "Maybe baseball just isn't Coulter's thing."

Coulter was teased in the dugout endlessly.  I am not sure what the relationship is between the other players is but whatever it was, it was apparent that they were buddies and Coulter was not their buddy, not anyone's buddy.  Again, it was hard to watch.  Riley pushed Coulter's stuff off of the bench and onto the ground almost every time Coulter set his stuff down.  I saw this happen over and over again.  I probably should have said something to you but there was usually a coach or parent in the dugout.  I would think that was their job to make sure things were going smoothly.  That did not happen.

I didn't stick around for practice but it doesn't seem like that was much more fun than the games for Coulter.  He said that when he missed the ball Brock would just yell for him to "try harder."  He was trying as hard as he was capable and 9 year olds are not motivated by yelling.

When I asked Coulter what was best about baseball he said, "That hit I got that one time."  When I asked him what was the worst thing he said, "That I had to bat last every time."  Why in the world he had to bat last every time is beyond me.  That I am quite frustrated with.  I don't believe it would have made much if any difference to the outcomes of the games and it sent a message  to Coulter every time that, "You aren't good enough to bat anywhere but last."   Additionally, I didn't find the skill level of the other players to be so superior.  Coulter could just as easily miss a ball at 2nd as any of the other kids.  Let's be honest, none of those kids are AAA material.  They missed throws and catches 95% of the time.  That is not a judgement, that is an easy observation.  And the fact that Coulter missed more in practice than the other kids shouldn't have precluded him from missing throws and catches in a game, just like the other kids did.

I played highly competitive  softball in high school.  I was first base all state and had the highest batting average in the state tournament my junior and senior years.  I had many scholarships offered to me for college.  I tell you this because I know softball / baseball.  I even signed up to be a coach this year but never heard back from anyone.  Actually I was quite disappointed. Again, this isn't your issue, I am just saying this because I am willing to assist and I recognize that Coulter needs to work on his game.   I am also telling you this because I do have the skills to back up my assessment of various situations.

I just returned from watching Coulter play baseball with his brother's farm team.  We asked the other coach if it was OK to have an older kid play and he agreed.  Coulter hit, played out field and then played 3rd base where he stopped a grounder and made the play at 3rd.  Yep, he did it.  After the game he was glowing.  He had a great time, the kids were all having fun and everyone got to play.  The parents were supportive of all the kids (on both teams).  It was the most fun I have had at a game this season.  In talking to these parents about what is coming (Minors) none of them are looking forward to it.  They want their kids to have fun.

Bob and I have talked and are trying to figure out how to let him play at a level that is comfortable for him, that is fun and way less competitive. I talked to the other farm parents and none of them are looking forward to the minors.  I see two issues.  First, there is WAY too much of a time commitment.  I didn't do anything (other than school) for 6-8 hours per week when I was a kid. Won't this burn them out? My kids are usually in bed by 8:30.  Recently we have been eating dinner at 8 because I insist that we eat together.  Second, they are little boys with little boy skills.  I believe they should have less emphasis on skill level and more emphasis on fun, cooperation, good sportsmanship and supporting your team members.  Coulter did not feel welcome, supported or liked by his team members.  He's a pretty affable kid, he has lots of friends and wants nothing more than to have fun. I don't think that is too much to ask for a 9 year old boy who is playing on a little league team.

I am unsure about what is going to happen with Coulter and baseball.  He wants to play but was sick of being mistreated by the boys, he was sick of being last in the batting order and finally he was sick of being on the bench. I can't blame him.  He dedicated just as much time this season as the other players but only played 1/4 of the time they did.

And while I am at it.....  Most of the parents were just as cold.  I am pretty easy to get along with and hardly anyone acknowledged that I was even alive.  I tried to be friendly but to no avail. I even brought coffee for all the parents of BOTH teams last Saturday and again, hardly anyone said thanks.  Perhaps Coulter didn't have any buddies because the kids were like the parents.  At this point I am so relieved to be done but mostly glad that Coulter's suffering is over.  He is such a happy kid it was very hard to see him so down.

Change is coming because these types of situations can't continue. 

And this is the letter I did send.... toned down for sure...... 

Ben,

After talking to Coulter this past weekend and thinking about it a great deal I am writing to give feed back and to let you know what Coulter's experience has been in baseball this year.   Please know that it is meant to be informational.  I know being a coach is difficult at best and there are 4 times as many kids as there are coaches.  And with 3^rd - 5^th graders it is even more difficult. Their attention span is less than adequate.

First off, I want to say that I greatly appreciate your skills and dedication to the boys and your team.  I am also grateful to Brock and Chris.  I know that it takes a great deal of dedication, time and patience. I agree that the kids need to be responsible for their gear, be on time (usually not Coulter's fault if we were late) and they need to pay attention when they are at practice or a game.  They need to respect the fact that you are the coach and that you are giving them your time.    

Coulter has only been playing baseball for a year.  Last season was his first.  I realize that he doesn't have the skill set that some of the other boys do....yet.  I asked him a few weeks ago, "Coulter, is it hard not starting every time?"  God bless him, he said, "Well mom, there are too many guys and not everyone can play at the same time."  I was very proud of him for having such a positive attitude.  My heart broke a little bit for him each time he was on the bench.  Game after game Coulter was on the bench and batted last.  When Bob went to let you all know that Coulter was done, Brock said, "Well maybe baseball isn't Coulter's thing."  That seems fairly short sighted when he's 9 and he is still learning.  It was probably an off the cuff comment but none the less, when I was 9 I hadn’t even started playing ball yet and I ended up being selected for the all state team 7 years later.

Coulter was teased in the dugout a lot.  I am not sure what the relationship is between the other players is but whatever it was, it was apparent that they were buddies and Coulter was not their buddy, not anyone's buddy except for Ben.  Ben was nice to him.  Again, it was hard to watch.  Riley pushed Coulter's stuff off of the bench and onto the ground.  I saw this happen a couple times but Coulter told me on Saturday that it happened all the time during the games.  I probably should have said something to you when I saw it happen but there was usually a coach or parent in the dugout.  I thought it was their job to make sure things were running smoothly.  I would have said something to one of you had I known more sooner.  Coulter shared these things with me after he decided not to play any more.   He was trying to be tough enough and let it roll off his back but it did hurt his feelings.

When I asked Coulter what was best about baseball he said, "That hit I got that one time."  When I asked him what was the worst thing he said, "That I had to bat last every time."  He got the message. Additionally, I didn't find the skill level of the other players to be so superior.  Coulter could just as easily miss a ball at 2^nd base as any of the other kids.  They missed throws and catches the vast majority of the time, it’s what 9 year olds do.   And the fact that Coulter wasn't at the same level shouldn't have precluded him from missing throws and catches in a game, just like the other kids did.  I don't believe the out-come of the games would have suffered.  I am not questioning your coaching but I do question the league.  If the primary emphasis is on winning I believe it is misplaced and needs to change.

On Saturday afternoon Coulter played baseball with his brother's farm team.  We asked the other coach if it was OK to have an older kid play and he agreed.  Coulter hit, played out field and then played 3rd base where he stopped a grounder and made the play at 3rd.  Yep, he did it.  After the game he was glowing.  He had a great time, the kids were all having fun and everyone got to play.  The parents were supportive of all the kids (on both teams).  It was great fun.  I know Minors is more competitive but the swing from fun and learning to seriousness and winning takes a toll on kids and parents in my case.

I am unsure about what is going to happen with Coulter and baseball.  He wants to play but wants to have fun.  I don't believe one needs to preclude the other.  We, as a league, have to figure out how to make that happen.  I spent a bit of time talking with Andy Brown on Saturday night and talked about change in the league.  I am willing to put my money where my mouth is.  I will coach if needed.  I will assist too.  I want my kids to have a positive experience and if that means I am there every time, I will be there.  I gave him a brief of what happened with Coulter and told him that I would write to you.  I don’t want to blind side you nor tell someone what happened with out letting you know too.  I am sorry to unload on you now. Honestly Ben, I really wasn’t aware of the whole of what was happening until Coulter opened up. I should have been more present for him.  Had I known that he was suffering I would have been upfront sooner. 

I wish you and the team luck over the next few games.  Coulter will be working on his game because he wants to be a good baseball player.  Perhaps we’ll cross paths over the next year.  I want to help create solutions for the kids, all the kids.

Thanks Ben,

Heather Leek

I'm not sure how he'll take it but I had to say it.  What kind of mom would I be if I just let them beat up on my sweet, sweet son.  We'll see how this goes!

Submarine Mom

I have been pondering helicopter parents.  It's so not my style.  They are in on everything.  They manage their kids' lives.  I guess that's all fine but I want my kids to learn how to manage their own lives.  I got to thinking of the analysis and have determined that I am a Submarine Mom.  I am there, just under the surface.  I have my periscope up and I am paying attention.  If someone messes with my kid or if my kid misbehaves I can shoot out a torpedo.  Do not mistake my different parenting for not caring.  I care very, very much.  I remember bringing Sophia home from the hospital and thinking, "I only have 18 years to teach this little person everything she'll need to know to survive on her own.

My kids are more free range than most.  They have a fair amount of freedom.  We live across the street from the park and, from a a young age, my kids have had the freedom to go over there.  At first all three had to stick together.  If one kid was uncomfortable or wanted to go home, all three had to stick together and go together.  Now they can go alone if they are going to the school or to meet a buddy.  Almost any time they go to the Hollyrood School there is someone there to play with.  I love it.  I can see them and they come running the instant that I whistle for them.

Yes, I am a Submarine Mom so watch out.  Just because you can't see me doesn't mean I can't see you. And, I will defend my little people with the most ferocity available to me.  Periscope up.... I am ready

A Little Thorn by My Side

Today I had the pleasure of taking my daughter to the Portland Thorns soccer game.  It was their first game EVER and they won.  What a great time.

Before the game, one of the players sang the National Anthem.  She was better than almost any other singer I have heard at a game.  There were fireworks and I have to admit, tears. I get choked up every time I hear the National Anthem.  It was truly thrilling to see 16,000+ fans all shouting and on their feet to support a professional women's soccer team and the Thorns Army was "on"for the entire game.  I explained to Sophia that when I was a young girl there was nothing like this.  Women didn't play team sports professionally.  The only sports that women did professionally were tennis and some skiing.  If you can't see it, it's hard to be it.

I was talking to the woman next to me who was a little older than I am.  I told her what I conveyed to Sophia.  She said, "They'll never know what it was like not to have these professional teams."  I said, "Like we didn't know what it was like to fight for the vote." and she agreed.   Every generation has it's fights as we learn what is right.  I am grateful that Sophia gets to see women in professional sports receiving big applause from their fans, men and women, respecting their abilities.  It is encouraging.

We cheered, and were thrilled to see 2 Thorn goals to the Reign's 1.  It was their home opener, and first professional win in front of a record breaking crowd.  Way to go Portland, way to go Thorns, here we go WOMEN!

A Few Weekends Ago...

It's been a quick one over here.  Friday, Bob and I stayed up LATE.  We watched a movie and then sat up talking until about 1 am.  What's wrong with me?  I am not in college any more....sheesh.  Saturday we did a few things around the house and then boys had basketball at NECC, one after the other.  

Bob is coaching Kees' team and they were up first.  This is the cutest league, I swear.  The baskets are adjustable so they are set at about 7 feet.  I am pretty sure I could slam-a-dunk on one of these.  I'd be all, "In your face you 5-7 year old!"  Oh, that's not a pretty picture.  Kees' is one of the biggest kids out there and one of the best.  It is for kindergarten and 1st grade.  I know it seems like it's not a big gap but when you are just 5 playing a 7-1/2 year old, it's a big diff.  

Coach Earl heads up the program for all the levels.  This man is the closest thing Portland has to a super hero.  He has been doing this forever and attends every practice and every game.   That is 6 nights per week!  And he loves it.  I have never seen him mad and have only seen his love of the kids and the game.  He is amazing.  If one team is stomping on the other he'll stop the game and get everyone to back up so the loosing team can shoot (and make) a basket.  He lets them shoot until one goes in.  In his games, everyone has a victory!  There is no score (though the kids always know a score) and there is lots of learning.  It is great fun to watch.

Coulter's team played right after Kees' team.  Last year Coulter was all over the place.  He was more likely to be waving at me than playing basketball.  He was hit with the ball a few times last year when someone would pass him the ball and he hadn't been paying attention.  Not this year, he's a different kid!  He is all over his "person", he is shooting and making baskets and he's paying attention to his team mates.  I have really enjoyed watching his growth as an athlete.  He scored a few baskets and was all smiles.  Goodness I love that kid.

At the end of the game he got ready to go to a play with a buddy.  They were going to The Lion, The Witch and the Wardrobe at the NW Children's Theater.  We dropped him off and then got ready for the next event.....COMEDY NIGHT!

Comedy Night is a fund raiser for our school.  We have a comedian that was a parent at BCS and volunteered to set this up and he's been doing it for 3 years now.  Unfortunately for us, his son is now at a different school.  We'll have to see what happens from here on out.  Anyway...

3 families decided that we'd let the kids babysit each other.  I brought pizza and the other families brought dessert and beverages.  And, as it turns out, they all had a great time.    

I had a table with 3 other couples so we didn't have to worry about where we would sit but we did want to get there early so we could order food and drinks.  We had an hour to wait for the show so there was lots of time to chat.  Right before the show started Art (the former  BCS parent / comedian) came to me and informed me that one of our comedians was in Atlanta.  He forgot about us.  On the plus side, a local comedian showed up and was willing to assist.  God bless her!  The show was fun, there were LOTS of laughs and we raised a little money.  It was great fun!

When we got home, stupid night guys took over and Bob and I stayed up until 1 AGAIN!  Morning guy was not happy about that decision!  

So Sunday I slept in for a bit, went for a nice long walk with a friend and then had to prep for......Sophia's 12th birthday party.  She had a few friends from school for a sleep over.  I made her cake and prepped for her request of a pasta bar.  Those 8 girls ate 3 lbs of pasta!  I couldn't believe it.  I had Alfredo Sauce, a cheese sauce, pesto and a marinara.  They were in heaven.  

The party was pretty free form.  They all ran from room to room just playing.  At one point they all came up and decided it was time for gifts so that's what they did.  Later they watched Brave.  And finally they played hide and seek.  It's pretty cute to see a bunch of preteen girls playing like little kids.  It was very cute.  There was little to no drama and I think everyone had fun!

I went to bed at midnight and insisted they do the same.  Last time they stayed up all night and were all a wreck for days.  Not this time.  They went to bed right after I did.  

I was sleeping soundly when Coulter woke me up at 2:30 to inform me that he just threw up.  He and Kees were having a sleep over in our room because they couldn't sleep in the basement with the girls.  It only seemed fair.  Yep, he sure did throw up, all over his blankets.  At least it wasn't on the floor.  Bob put all his blankets wadded up in his room.  We couldn't take barfy blankets to the laundry, that's close to where the girls were.  I set Coulter up in the closet so he could be near the bathroom in case he got sick again.  He did and I was glad he was contained.  

When I got up this morning I listened to the inauguration on the radio and got ready to feed the masses again.  Breakfast was apples, sausage and pancakes.  Thank goodness I had the foresight to cook the sausage in advance!  It all went off well.  The girls cleaned up their stuff and were all gone by 11:15.  

Today I am getting my house back in order and taking care of a sick boy.  He looks terrible but he doesn't have a fever and he hasn't thrown up in a while.  We'll see how he does.  Man, I hope he didn't pass that nastiness off to anyone else!  Yuck.

So it's been pretty busy around here although fairly standard for the Leeks house.  I hope Sophia had fun and that Coulter is feeling better.  Kees and Sophia are playing together right now.  I love that they're pals.  I am going to take it easy this after noon.  I need a bit of down time.

Kees' Homework

Yesterday Kees came home with his homework and included in the packet was an assignment to make a character card.  The instructions were as follows....

"You can use this activity to strengthen your child's reading comprehension skills.  After reading together, have your child complete this card to tell about a character from the story.  It's like a baseball card.  Your child draws a picture of the character on one side and writes information on the other. Some of the blanks will require your child to fill in information on the other.  Some of the blanks will require your child to fill in information stated in the story.  This is literal comprehension.  Your child may fill in other blanks by making inferences - using what he or she knows about the character and then making a sensible guess.  Together, these skills help children gain a fuller understanding of what they read."

The book Kees chose was a photo book that I put together 5 years ago.  Our friend, Nancy Slack, invited us to join her and her husband, Dave in Niagra on the Lake, Ontario for Dave's 50th birthday.  It was a surprise for Dave.  Nancy joked the whole time telling everyone that it was Dave's 60th birthday.  It was mid December so it was VERY snowy and cold.  As a matter of fact, we ended up staying an extra day due to our airport being closed. We had a wonderful time wine tasting, eating out and going to the spa.  It was a winter wonderland and the town was as "Norman Rockwell" as you can imagine.  It was all decked out for Christmas with swags, wreaths and twinkling lights everywhere.  We all had a great time. 

Upon completion of the "story" this is what Kees gleaned from book.

I laughed so hard I was crying!  That kid is hilarous. 

Emotional Roller Coaster

It’s been an emotional whirlwind of a day.  I woke up this morning with a spring in my step and a smile on my face.  I was really taken with the beauty of our children.  Not just mine, our collective children.  Their exuberance was palpable.  Today was the last day of school before the holiday break and those kids were ready to be done with school and onto bigger and better things. 

After I dropped off Kees I took the big kids to the Fernwood Campus and then went to get coffee for Kees’ teacher and myself.  I was going back to the school to walk Kees’ class over to Fernwood for a holiday celebration concert.  Coulter’s choir was going to sing.  It was his first concert and Kees and I were going to see it together. 

Watching the kids from Hollyrood all file over to Fernwood is quite an event.  Imagine almost 200 kids walking through the park.  It’s a beautiful thing.  They all arrived in the Cafetorium and in a very orderly fashion they found their designated spots.  Within 10 minutes the Cafetorium was packed with all the kids from kindergarten up to the 5^th grade.  On the stage was the BCS 3rd-5^th grade choir in all their cuteness.  And on the floor were the other 450 kids waiting patiently.  The choir sang about 10 songs and in between each song one of the big kids in 8^th grade would read a summery about a holiday from somewhere across our planet.  The audience sang along with some songs and just watched for others.  It was bliss.  I find it hard to believe what joy I get watching my kids thrive in their school.  It is a slice of perfection.  I welled up with tears of joy.

While watching this perfect vignette a message comes across the screen of my phone, “26 dead, 18 of them children, in Conn. school shooting.”   I gasped.  What is happening?  I pulled up the story and sat there, mouth agape.  I passed my phone and watched other shocked parents have the same visceral reaction that I had. 

The “show” concluded and I walked Kees’ class back to the school.  This experience was not nearly as carefree.  I watched our kids, our precious kids go back to their little Norman Rockwell school.  I know that the school in Connecticut was the same, that their parents felt the same way about their school that I do about ours. How could this happen?  What was he thinking?  What could make a person do such a thing?  Were there warning signs?  Why is there so much violence?  Is there nowhere where our children are safe?

I kissed Kees good-bye and walked home in a numb haze.  When I got home I turned on the TV and sat there dumb founded.  I saw the grief on parents’ faces.  I saw pictures of terrified kids.   I saw hundreds of armed men running around an elementary school.  Good God!  I cried… 

I had to turn off the TV.  It was too painful.

I tried to go about my day, I had a lot to do, but it was exceedingly difficult.  I had gifts to put together for our administrators.  I thank God for those women at our school.  They are amazing.  And then the face of the principal of Sandy Hook Elementary came to mind and the tears started again.   I placed some sweets in the bag of goodies….more tears.  We are so blessed with the dedication of our teachers and administrators.  Tears.  Deep breaths.  I wrote a note to the principal and vice principal at BCS.  There is no way to convey to them how much I appreciate what they do but I try.  It is extraordinarily hard to write because my hand is shaking.  More tears….

I go to the “big” school and deliver my packages.  I see our principal and I want to hug her but that would be weird.  I know she is shaken.  I try to speak and it takes everything in my power not to burst into tears.  We look at each other and don’t say anything, we just shake our heads.  I finally hand her the gift and just say, “Man, what a day.  Here’s a little something for you to say thank you.”  She is grateful. 

I stay at the school because at 1:30 there is a middle school dance, Sophia’s first dance.  I will be a chaperone.  She will be mortified.  She has asked me many times, “Why?  WHY?”  I stick with my standard answer, “Because I promised you from the day you were born that I would be at your dances and I do not break my promises.”  Each time she smiles and looks worried. 

The problem is it’s only 1:00.  I wander the halls looking lost.  I finally leave to get a bite to eat.  In the chaos of the day I forgot to eat.  I get in the car and there is more information on the radio.  Again, I cry.  I waste a half hour and then return to the school.

When I get into the Cafetorium it is transformed from the fine arts theater it had been in the morning to Studio 54.  There were lights, loud music, blinking colored lights, boisterous kids and a concession stand.  I got to assist with the concessions.  There was candy, soda, hats, boas….all sorts of silly things and the kids “needed” it all.  When Sophia saw me she didn’t run.  As a matter of fact she even let me take pictures.  Again, I welled up with tears.  This time it was tears of joy.  I see our principal and she too is full of joy to see our kids having so much fun.  She says, “They are such good kids.”  And they are. 

The kids jump, scream lyrics, dance in groups, laugh and buy junk from the concession stand.  Again our perfect little school and our beautiful kids make me cry.  We are so blessed. 

I have to leave the dance a few minutes early because I have to pick up Kees at the little school.  All the parents are in a fog.  I talk to a few friends and we’re all feeling the same thing, great sadness, shock and love for our children.  When the kids come out each parent collects their little person and I see many embraces.  Embraces that are a little longer, looks that are a little more grateful.  I catch the eye of a friend who is hugging her little girl and with out saying a word we convey, “Thank God our children are safe.” In just a look.  She knows, I know.  I get Kees and can’t get enough of him. We walk home hand in hand.  The little things mean so much. 

Sophia and Coulter walk home.  When they’re all home I sit them down right in front of me and I tell them the kid version of what happened.  I explain that they can ask me questions or just talk to daddy or me about it.  They understand. 

Tonight I have my family around me and I am grateful.  My children are safe and happy.  They’re excited for Christmas.  aI am happy but also mourning for the families in Connecticut.  I cannot imagine their pain.  I don’t want to.  It is too hard even this far removed. 

I am exhausted from the highs and lows of today.  I will never be the same.  I will pray.  I am glad that I have this outlet.  How do we move forward?  How do we stop these things from happening?  I wish I knew. 

Peace……a

Letter to my Children

Dear Children,

I am very disappointed in the way things are going around here and I am asking for your help in fixing some issues.

Your shoes, backpacks and lunch boxes are continuously left out on the floor in front of the entrance to our house.  This makes our house look messy and it is unacceptable.  I will not live this way any longer.  It is sloppy and dangerous and you need to figure out how to correct this.

Your homework is not being done in a timely manner.  Kees, your homework has not been completed for weeks past.   Coulter, I have to constantly remind you to do your homework and then while you are doing it I have to harp on you.  Sophia, your homework is much bigger and requires more attention.  You are smart enough to do it yet you choose to wait until almost the day it is due to get it done.  This makes me very anxious. 

I have news for you all; I have already done 1^st, 3^rd and 6^th grades, as has your father.  We don’t need to do them again.  We are willing to help you do your homework if you have genuinely given it your best effort.  To date I have not seen any of you do that. 

Your rooms are a disaster….almost always.  This too is unacceptable.  I understand how they get that way but you need to make a short amount of time to clean your rooms when you take LOTS of time messing them up. 

General areas of the house….  This house is daddy’s and mine.  We worked very hard for many years to pay for the house, the things in it and for all the times we have together.   Your stuff is all over this house and this will stop…TODAY!  If you do not pick up your stuff I will take it and keep it.  The kid’s bathroom, the hallways, the living room, the kitchen, the dinning room, the fort, the storage closets, the basement, the TV room and the office are all common rooms.  This mean that they are for everyone to use equally.   Do you EVER see my clothes near the front door?  My lunch box or my things strewn all over the house?  NO, because I care about my home and my stuff.  Your things are NEVER to be left in our room or bathroom.  I will keep them if you do that any longer.

We like to share with you because we love you.  You have not earned these things we have.  To get things and a house you need to work hard.  Your previous endeavors have not shown that you are up to the task. 

You 3 are going to meet and decide what is going to be done about these issues.  You will decide what the penalty is for failure to follow the rules and you will willingly comply with your rules. 

If you don’t come up with a plan you will fall under my jurisdiction and that means follow my rules as I set them out.   A few things come to mind as penalties…  No sleep overs, no play dates, no computer time or games, no Wii, no AWOL, no candy, no dessert, no slot cars, no Legos….  I can go on all day. 

As a friend of mine once was told…..  “Your good time ends when my bad time begins.”  My bad time has begun…….

I will assist you in figuring out details of a plan but you will come up with an initial plan.  If the penalties for not cooperating are not harsh enough I will triple them or greater.  That means if you say, “If my room is a mess I only loose an hour of Wii.”  I can come back and say, “No, you loose it for a week.”  I advise coming up with reasonable penalties the first time. 

I am very serious about this.  I do not want to yell, be disappointed or be penalized for your poor behavior and homework habits any longer.  You will be taking personal accountability for your work and stuff. 

I look forward to working with you and to a cleaner, more organized and peaceful home. 

Love,

Mom